Sketches of an Angel
A Tribute to my Dear Beloved Friend
Shannon Buttram
Taking a blank piece of paper and a pencil, God sketched me an Angel today. She sorta looked like this….
The first glimpse was in the home of a family from our Sunday school class. They had invited us over for dinner, a delicious meal and fun fellowship. God, my heart is breaking into and You have me dine with someone who looks just like my friend Shannon—thank You…. who I just found out about 4 hours ago, died three weeks ago, but for me….it was only a few hours ago. Stunned…..i walk in and see a little Hannah and Andy….I see Mike and Shannon. Now they didn’t see my Angel…..but I did. We have never been in their home until this very day….hum…I see an Angel cooking in her kitchen like years past. Though we didn’t have Shannon’s yummy salsa….or I remember the Sunday we stopped by and had bologna sandwiches….It hurt me to watch the man last night across the table, laughing along with his wife, he was kinda short and dark haired with a sprinkle of grey, his laugh and face reminded me so much of Mike, he was short and sweet, just as I remembered. Their little boy was the spit image of Andy, though younger by far than the young man Andy is now, dark hair framed his face, slender arms and legs. Yes, my Angel’s little boy. But it was the little girl that I kept having to fight back the tears. She looked so much like Hannah when she was little I wanted to run into the bathroom and bawl my eyes out. Lord……….it seems too much. My heart was so grieving for this dear family, Father, why are we here with these people today…….when I should be home mourning for my friend Shannon…… “Because my daughter, I have brought you here to mourn. See my Angel, remember her this way. Remember her as you knew her. Remember her caring, her serving, her love!”
The next morning as I readied for church, the tears came on…..the pencil moving once again on the paper, sketching out an Angel…..Picture upon picture came flooding my mind, memories overwhelmed my senses….Consuming my every thought. Shannon’s smile and her cute little chuckle demanded my attention. The bedroom she painted for Hannah came to my mind, the bright Mary Englebright. She did such a fabulous job so creative! I see the kids playing dress up while we pray together. I see my Shannon’s heart as she cleaned my house for inspection. I smell her wisteria tree out front. I remember butch the dog…..
I heard an Angel today at church. I was singing Worthy is the Lamb, when I heard her voice. I saw Shannon’s smile, she was in her choir robe singing and bowing before her maker, who she finally sees face to face. She is worshipping with me while we sing Worthy is the Lamb…..she believed that. I cried and cried...But as I raised my hands and sang…she sang with me. We sang together, it was the most bittersweet moment. Shannon sang many times; she had a beautiful voice….one that is still heard today!
The Angel followed me to Sunday School, and as I looked around the room at the faces, though the Angel knew none of their names, she had invested in them. Shannon had spent many hours typing for me. She was my hands at the keyboard in writing some of my oldest child’s cancer journal. She typed and laid out my first entire retreat folders and my teaching notes. Plus she put them together, plus helped with all the goodies we prepared for it. As well on my very first retreat attempt, she encouraged, smiled and supported it the whole way through. Where do you find such a friend? I have used these materials and the experience, several times over…..Shannon, has gone with me everywhere! Her time spent on my behalf is still manifested in the lives that cross my pathway today.
I saw an Angel today….I got out my cards and I just wanted to be close with my friend. So I sat at the table with paper, scissors, stamps and buttons all around. And I looked over and found my Angel had come to make cards with me. Shannon had the gift of encouragement and it was something we learned together and it was a sweet, sweet connection. We spent many, many times stamping together. These was such precious times. And now as I sit at the table making cards, I missed her so much, it hurts, I cry and cut and cry and cut….. I will need to use these soon. Why Lord, why…
“Because she is your inspiration to make cards and to encourage others, she did that. You too must be reminded when you get lazy and busy, that Shannon was never too busy for people!”
I remember the surprise birthday party she had for me, when my family had forgotten me. She hadn’t. I remember when she put salt in the chocolate chip cookies instead of sugar!! I remember having Bible study together. I made cards all afternoon to be with my Angel….Lord, thank You for every moment that I had with Shannon, it has made me love You and others deeper. Her unconditional love was so inspiring. Lord, help her smile to never fade from my memory…..The Angel is an ever present reminder, that my dear Shannon is gone…………
I have been with my family today alongside my Angel, and I cried, just feeling so blessed and knowing the pain that Mike, Andy and Hannah must be feeling! I can’t imagine, but I feel guilty to enjoy one moment of the day….it was father’s day, and I wonder if Mike was not huddled in tears and loneliness.
I have cried long into a headache, I have bawled my eyes out…..then the Angel taps me on the shoulder and I see forgiveness….Shannon taught me so hard lessons about life. But ones, that though they hurt beyond words, I am so glad for them because they showed me a lot about myself that wasn’t so pretty and I worked very hard at relationship because of what I had learned in ours……
All day I wanted to be alone and cry, be alone and just remember all the things that spelled SHANNON to me. My grief was so deep…. I can only imagine her memorial service was filled to overflowing with “Angel evidence”.
Oh Lord, Angel showed me a peek at mercy today…..wonder if we had never reconciled our friendship??? Oh Lord, mercy took on new meaning today!
As I read all her face book entries tonight, I again cried thinking of my dear Shannon, more sketches of an Angel. Entry after entry, declaring her love for others! My Angel sat on the corner of my desk and showed me pictures of when we were out there to see her the two times since reconnecting. Priceless moments of heart entwined and reborn once again…stronger than ever!
I don’t want to close my eye for fear the Angel will leave. But I have enjoyed spending time, just thinking of Shannon as she is, I am very sure, in heaven smiling and laughing with Jesus. I see her kneeling at his feet washing them. I see what she always longed for fulfilled and now I can go to sleep…. praying God will leave this “sketch pad” on the tablet of my heart forever! This was only a light sketching!
Shannon Buttram
Oct. 2, 1966-May 23, 2011
A woman after God’s own heart
A woman whose smile never faded
Even when angry she grinned!
She laughed at her own mistakes and everyone else’s too
She was faithful
She was served others
She loved God
She loved her husband
She loved and adored her kids
She loved life, no matter what God sent her way
She was a fighter to the very end
She was a heartwarming encourager
She was a leader
She was a walking testimony of God’s Grace
She was a prayer warrior
She was a hard worker
She made beautiful cards
She was a painter of canvas
She was a writer
She was a Jesus Girl now with her Pappa!
