Be Careful What You Pray For!

 After being married for several years we began what turned out to be a long painful journey to have children.  Test after test being negative, frustration began to build.

I cried out to God to answer us.  I pleaded our case as to why God.  I was sure He thought we would be terrible parents since He had not granted us any children.

Then the day came, finally some 6 years of trying, a PINK POSITIVE! The excitement we experienced was way over the top!  The joy of buy maternity clothes, taking the prenatal vitamins, and Doctor visits could not be measured.

Only to lose the baby at 12 weeks.  Boy did we ever come crashing down.  This was a very dark time for me spiritually.  I begged and prayed the “Hannah’s Prayer”  “God is you will give me a son, I will give him back to You.” Be careful what you pray for.

After the horrible painful miscarriage and D&C our arms still remained empty.  We again were back to infertility treatment.  After a year, PINK POSITIVE again!  We were much more fearful of telling anyone our good news…but eventually, not able to contain our joy, we burst and told everyone.

Surely this time it will work.  We were more involved at church and the timing seemed perfect.  Surely God wouldn’t do that to us again.  Be careful what you pray for.

In an instant we came crashing down.  It happened yet again, we lost the baby!  Painful miscarriage, D&C again.  Laments to God filled my soul as once again my arms were to remain empty.

More Infertility testing, more drugs.  My raging hormones did not help my attitude and spiritual bitterness remained.  Be careful what you pray for.

After a year of torturous treatments I told my doctor, I needed a break from treatment.  He checked me first before changing up our plans.  And GUESS WHAT---!PINK POSITIVE again!

We went through the first 3 months on our tippy toes, holding our breath.  On into the last trimester did we finally realize---God was going to grant us our “Hannah” prayer! Be Careful what you pray for.

We named our baby Samuel---- His name means asked of God.  Our joy could not be contained.  We were finally parents! 

Two days after Christmas, just a month after Samuel turned two, he got sick.  Test revealed serious anemia, more tests revealed, our precious baby had Leukemia (ALL) cancer of the blood.  Be careful what you pray for. 

At that moment in time, I realized I did not want to keep my end of the “Hannah’s Prayer” to give my baby boy back to God.  But He was surely asking for him back.

I am not going to share the details of this 3  year battle to beat cancer. Nor focus on all the pain and suffering he went through or the scars that forever will remain with him.  The things we went through with our baby are to horrible to mention. 

However it changed our lives.  Clinging to God was our only option.  Never once did He tell us our son would survive.  But still we clung to our only Hope.  God promised to be with us every step of the way.  Those were the words whispered to me, instead of the healing I  had wanted to tell God to do.  I had to give Samuel back to God and let Him do with my baby, what He seemed best.

I wrote this some 21 years later right after his wedding.  He did survive.  He is now 23 and happily married.  I just wanted to offer hope to the many people who have children with cancer, and their family and friends. 

There is HOPE in God!

Cling to Him!

If you look for God you will see Him!

 

Hands 〜 Boxes 〜 Blueberries

There are those times in life when you just feel undone by God’s blessing, His presence and His amazing movement in your life. I have had many of those times and wondered if I would survive God’s stare at me. (But that is the kind of God He is….. He loves to lavish His love on us!)

We had been praying for several years to be able to move. For several reasons, it was necessary (or so we thought). My husband drove over an hour to work everyday, our health had diminished, and our kids had all but one left the nest. We had lugged stuff from base to base. And in the house we were now in….like waffle batter on a waffle iron…..we had definitely spread out and filled in every nook and cranny.

Though God still used us in amazing ways out in the boon docks past the sticks….. we really needed to move… But God seemed to not see things the way we did… so our house did not sell… we finally took it off the market for over a year. Then we tried again.

If you have ever moved… showing your house is for the birds (if you really live in it like we do!) What stress that is. All the paper work etc. But our realtor was a hustler (or rather, God said it was time)

It was the hardest move yet, and we have moved A LOT! We had even moved cross country twice. In our many moves have often had to leave many things behind that did not fit in our truck. And the sweetest part is seeing who all God would bring to help us pack and load the truck!! We can never repay what our friends have done for us in all these not so easy moves.

No matter where we were….God provided some loving dedicated, hard working hearts and hands to bless our socks off. This move was no different. God sent us amazing people….for every need. God took care of EVERY detail, large and small…..even to the last blueberry!

We had done the whole farming thing and had to get rid of equipment, we had spread out in the 40 by 60 workshop, the detached garage managed to “acquire things” besides a car. And our basement….well, it was full of freezers, season changes, stuff, teen toys, country toys, and everything else that didn’t fit upstairs. We also had several bedrooms for guests, with stuff. Oh and a baby room of toys we no longer needed, and I had a hobby room crammed full of stuff….and a few closets here and there where it had like the waffle batter….found its way into other rooms. Oh I forgot, we homeschooled too, so we had school paraphernalia to fill up a school house and enough books to challenge the Library of Congress!

Just admitting….. we have a lot of stuff!!! And behind, around, and on top of all that stuff was dust bunnies taking up residence!

We had to do some SERIOUS downsizing. This was not an easy thing, especially when it included hobbies, season changes, and empty nesting. But God sent me a young lady and her mom one Saturday and they cleaned like nobody’s tomorrow! Got the house spit shined for pictures and listing. Within two months….we had a contract!

Then the girl stayed on… for several weeks. First she helped me finish a huge wedding project so we could start packing. But I don’t mean just normal packing. I mean sorting through the entire above mentioned belongings….one piece at a time! She helped me throw away, give away, send away, donate away….bags and bags full of “stuff”

She helped cleaned out freezers and scrub them. She helped sort through oodles of fabric. She even took my collection of dust bunnies home each night from each room we worked in. This was all done while packing too. Since we were going to be in a hotel a few days between closings, we had to eat all the food in the freezers too.

Closer to the big move day, two more ladies came to help me. Thank God He sent me help. By the time the big day came…. I was ready. But it had only been by the generous hands that God had sent my way. I baked blueberry muffins for the group of friends that came to help us. And down to the last blueberry I had handpicked and frozen….they were all used in my yummy homemade blueberry muffins. God saw that nothing was wasted!

Boxes, Boxes and more Boxes were stacked into the storage unit by strong loving hands of our friends. Moving day…. Trucks with trailers lined the yard and the real fun began. Even in the rain, they continued to spend their day moving us. Sweet friends! When the men left to take a load, many of the ladies began deep cleaning so that it would be clean and ready for the new occupants. What a blessing beyond words. Not to mention two guys actually keep their trailers full of what would not fit in the storage unit… in their barn for the weekend.

Then the second moving day…. Hot as it was in July… many of the same friends helped us unload…. And set up in the new house. Shewee! A LOT of work I tell you!

We could have NEVER done it without all the help!

We are forever grateful for each of you!

When God moves….He does it in all His

AWESOMENESS

……but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

                                                     

Follow His Steps

Follow His Steps

It just doesn’t seem to matter how long you’ve been married, as wives, we are constantly straying from our man. I was reminded to tighten up my steps recently in a very simple way.

We were late for church and it was fairly packed when we arrived. It was clear to see our normal section was filled and we needed to look else where. My sweet husband looked at me and I said, “I will follow you!” and proceeded to do so.

But how many times over these past 30 years had I not done that? Had I willfully pursued my own way? Ladies, it is ever so easy to get sidetracked in our calling as wives. But one of the ways we can honor our husbands, is to follow his lead! We vowed to do this on our wedding day…we still need to be reminded…

It was a simple moment but the words I had whispered burned in my heart. “I will follow you.”

 

Ladies trust God enough to follow your husband

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:21-22

Don’t Judge a Skin by it’s color!

Don’t Judge a Skin by its Color

You know the old Grapefruit diet? There is nothing like putting a spoonful of TART grapefruit in your mouth. So when I grabbed the last grapefruit that morning I grumbled. It was the wrinkled spotted one. Just one look and I knew it was gonna make my lips pucker!!
With drudgery I cut it in half. Even the inside was as pale as could be. I cut around the edge and scooped out the first bite. With a deep breath I closed my eyes…knowing that if I hurried I could just get this over with.

My eyes flew open and to my great surprise… it was one of the sweetest grapefruits I have eaten. Boy was I rebuked! I had judged that grapefruit from its outer appearance instead of what was on the inside!
There is a lesson for us… we do the same thing to people don’t we? We look at their outer clothing, hair style, shoes etc and make a judgment. But we can miss out on the sweetest, God-fearing people!
Some of those wrinkled spotted “grapefruits” –people might be the lady smiling with a few missing teeth, the person that dresses from the thrift store, the poor person sitting on the porch in the blazing heat, it might be the lonely boy walking down the road, the barefoot, Africans walking to draw water, the biker in leather, the body pierced teen, the tattooed person at Wal-Mart.
I have met some very God pursuant people that didn’t look so terrific on the outside. What a blessing they are to me.
Likewise, I have actually seen some of the most “Perfect” ruby red grapefruit, perfect color, firmness and pink when cut open…yet when the bite hit my mouth I had to spit it out!
There are those people who because of what they wear we put them in a “Holy category” of which they don’t belong. Whether it is a suit & tie, suspenders & beard, bun & skirt, dress & head covering, high heels & matching purse…..
I have known some of these people to be the most unloving, snobbish, self-righteous, prideful people….really tart on the inside!
It is what is on the inside that matters. We have got to quit judging a person by what we see on the outside…take the time to find out what’s on the inside….it might just surprise you!

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged,

and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:2

Creation in Me

As Spring made it’s appearance announcing not only lovely weather to be enjoyed but the New Life that creation brings forth is amazing.  It seems that nothing shouts louder God’s existence than New Life.

Since the beginning of time, year after year, without fail, these amazing new beginnings are birthed.  The frozen waters are release from their bondage, to run freely down and water the earth’s life.  Spring babies abound, replenishing their existence, laughing at extinction. 

The daffodils start out the parade shouting God’s praise,followed by tulips,Dogwoods, Barlette Pear trees,and many more.  In a gallant orchestra all the plants and trees come to life.  Singing brilliantly their praise to God.  Pointing everyone to The Creator in their magnificent display of color and splendor. We are all spellbound by their indescribable beauty. 

And God said, “it’s all good.”

 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed

according to their kinds and trees bearing

fruit with seed in it according to their kinds.

And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:12

 

But then, God made something even better, more beautiful, and spectacular than ALL of creation.  He made YOU!  As I was enveloped in all the majesty that God created as it came to life, I was reminded that we, God’s children, are to be more beautiful that all of creation.  We aren’t just good, we are very good!

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening,

and there was morning-- the sixth day.

Genesis 1:31

If our lives were sitting in a field of daisies, we would stand out as more beautiful because of God radiating out of us. If we were standing in the forest of Redwoods, we would stand out as more majestic because of the Jesus inside of us spilling out.

Our love for God and others, should be bigger than the ocean who continually sings God’s praise. Do you shine brighter than the brightest star? 

All of creation should pale in comparison to the masterpiece God created YOU to be! 

 

 

Forgotten Focus

Have you ever gotten busy or out of your routine and forgotten your focus? Recently I was on a work/vacation and I succumbed to that problem. I am ashamed to admit it but it happened.

We were in the DC/Baltimore area where my husband was having a week of work related meetings. He brought us, my only remaining teen at home and myself. And tagging along was my oldest son and his fiancé. My middle son is stationed here in the Marines. So this was actually going to be sort of a family vacation on the weekends.

Skipping the scheduling details, we were trying to please several different peoples site seeing goals. Then my oldest got food poisoning and was down two of the few days he was going to be here. My middle son had to work during the week as did my husband. So we were together at times and it just a few of us at times.

But I say all that to share that I was never alone, sharing a room with my soon to be daughter in law. I did not have time in God’s Word or time to sit and talk with God. Though very addicted to this time in a normal routine, I could not find alone time. I tried once and was interrupted.

Mid week, my oldest son and his fiancé went to the beach and were gone all day. So it was just my youngest and me for most of the day. I am ashamed to say…..I was spiritually lazy! And physically lazy. All I did was lounge around eating junk food watching old TV shows all day. I turned off my phone, did not look at Facebook, I did not talk to anyone….What a waste!

The next day the Lord took care of that for me in a rebuke. My oldest son and his fiancé left the next morning. After saying goodbye, I eagerly ate my breakfast in preparation to be with my Lord. I talked with the server and told her I would pray for the needs she had shared with me. After seeing my sweet husband off, I took my coffee to my room.

I hopped on the elevator with two kids. “Hi” I said to them. Then asked, “Are ya’ll here on vacation?” I smiled in expectation of a yes answer. The girl looked to be about 7 and the boy about 5.

Here came the rebuke… the girl answered, “No my mom has cancer and we are here for her treatment.” The elevator doors opened and they exited before I could form a reply.

Wow! Was I ever rebuked! I had been lazy the day before, I wondered at what opportunities I had missed! God convicted me that it is not okay to spend my time on myself. I do not get to eat what I want, watch what I want, ignore people, ignore responsibility. I negated my time with the Lord for a TV show….and did not pray for anyone.

I had valid excuses..... we don’t have tv connections at home so this was a treat…..I rarely ever do this….. I’m getting into my son’s world….can’t I just indulge once….. I could be doing worse things….on and on the excuses went!

What emptiness, what hollowness I ended up with at the end of the day. I had helped no one, but myself (if you can call that help), I prayed for no one, I invested in no one…..

I had indeed forgotten my focus!

So, with the words of that little girl still echoing in my ears…..I went to my room, now vacant except for me…and got on my face before my Abba and cried out to Him! I worshipped Him, I read His words to me….I prayed many of them. I prayed…..and prayed….and prayed some more. Oh how I missed being with Him.

I was reminded my focus needs to be about His Kingdom….His righteousness and then I will have the right focus for the day. I had gotten so wrapped up in my day, my family, my vacation, my laziness. All the while there were real hurts going on. Lives that hung in the balance…

I was reminded to refocus….we are here for others…to show the Love of God to others. No matter where you are, don’t forget there are others, in the “trenches” of real hard situations.

Don’t miss the opportunities God has for you!

Crippled but not Handicapped

 

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace

was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed

Isaiah 53:5

 

Recently my dog, Daisy, tore her ACL.  She is now limping badly and the damage is permanent.  With much heartache we watch her continue on.  

My son who is Daisy’s owner, had to come to grips with the fact that we now have a crippled dog. 

We already have a crippled cat.  Stryper’s eye is crooked and causes her to not see correctly.

But God had a lesson for us.  Though both are crippled…..they are not handicapped!

What we have noticed with the cat is… that she still does everything that other cats do….she just  has to do some things differently to accomplish the same goal. 

She doesn’t know she is different!

We have seen the same with Daisy.  Yes she does have a huge limp.  But she is just as happy as ever.  She does not complain. 

She still gets around, maybe a bit slower.  But she gets there.  She even runs, though, with a new wobble.  She still plays with her toys.  And will play fetch in time.

She doesn’t know she is different!

Both our cat and dog, though are crippled, they do not view themselves as handicapped.

What a lesson for us!

The verse at the top makes all the difference in the world.  Though humanly speaking, Salvation is the healing for the cripple!  God made a way for every cripple to not be handicapped.

All of God’s plans for you will come to pass.  He has great plans for you no matter what limitations you may have or think you have. 

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, complaining, or laying down in the enemy’s lap of defeat.  Seek the Lord, learn to compensate.

Learn a new way to walk, learn a new way to talk, Learn a new way to use your body.  Learn a new way to live……the life God has for you.

Joni Tada is a modern day example of overcoming….through Jesus, to still pour out her life into others. Though she is severally crippled…she is not handicapped.

Handicapped is a matter of the heart.

The Master wants to use you just the way you are….let Him and be healed from your handicap!

 

 

 

Son Catchers

Do you ever feel alone?  As this world gets more and more corrupted, we can easily get discouraged into thinking we are the only ones left…. Elijah thought that too.  In I Kings 19: 13-14

When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

When we were in Hawaii, there was no doubt the evidence of fleshly entertainment, and ample supply in any department you wanted.  But yet, the evidence of the SON was bright and clear too!'

It was easy to get discouraged in the crowds of people indulging in self sin and greed.  Yet every morning there was a row of people with their cameras lined the rock pier protectors……waiting for the Sun!  It was such a visual for me.  Though I have no idea if these people were believers, but they still sought the sun and the magnificent beauty it’s rising and setting brought. 

It thrilled my heart to see folks still interested in something as UN-techy  and UN-plugged as the sunrise and the sunset.  So I'm not the only one….who traveled a looooooong way to see the SON…..do mighty things as bring the sun up and down each day in all the brilliance that He does things. 

Just the same, you are not the only believer on the planet.  There are times we feel all alone.  Perhaps in beliefs, or soap boxes.  Maybe we even feel all alone in church…..

But know this God has a remnant.  There are people who still follow the SON.  They wait for the SONrise every morning and relish with every  SONset.  They are the people who worship the SON!

Be encouraged……you are not alone! 

SONshine spreads everywhere! 

Mercy + Grace = Heaven

There is an image in my heart that will not remain silent.  So I will share yet another blog from my trip to Hawaii. 

There has been much written about Heaven.  There are countless Bible studies on the subject.  But if you were to describe Heaven in just two words what would they be?

As I tossed this around in my head I tried to combine Mercy and Grace like this:  Gracy OR Merace etc.  What would mercy and grace look like combined?

I want to show you a snapshot of Heaven…

It was Friday night.  We had finished dinner,  Walked along the beach back towards the hotel, leisurely taking our time. We eventually found an empty bench and sat and watched  sailboats in the distance, and then watched the beautiful sunset. Among all this glorious beauty were hundreds of people walking on the boardwalk.  It was full of people and especially as time approached for the fireworks. 

When in the throngs of people…….came Mercy and Grace.  A homeless man walked up, bumped by passerbys, and he asked us, “Hey can you spare a dollar?”

I could tell the man did not want to ask.  His countenance reveal anticipated rejection. 

Then I saw it. . .

My husband said, “Sure I can.”  reached in his pocket and gave him a bill.  When the man saw it he stumbled back.  My sweet husband had given him a $20.

Mercy: Not getting what you expect

          (The man expected rejection)

Grace: Giving what you don’t deserve

         (he received more $ than what he asked for)

His face could not believe this grace and mercy was extended to him.  He nearly stumbled off the sidewalk.  He kept looking back.  he thanked us profusely. 

If Heaven is not the embodiment of Grace and Mercy. . .

Is that not what Jesus did for us?  Had mercy on us, not giving us what we expect (hell)  And gave us grace of which we did not deserve (heaven)

When we see grace and mercy here on this earth.  It looks like heaven to me.

One More to Throw up at You

Okay, now I thought I was done blogging about our vacation, but the Lord gave me one more--

We got up the day of our departure, had our last Hawaiian breakfast then returned to the room to pack.  All went well and everything fit back into the suitcases (though we had to lay on top of them while zipping them shut!) 

Then we took all our things and waited on the outdoor cafe tables over looking the courtyard below.  All day we hung out there. 

At 5 pm, we ate our last Hawaiian dinner, and cocoanut cheesecake!  Then we hailed a taxi and went to the airport.  We had a 9:45 pm departure. 

Still at 2 am I am still awake.  Reading, munching, drinking coffee.  I took a 30 min snooze and before I knew it, we had landed in LAX at 5 am. 

After walking forever to our next departing gate my wonderful husband went to get us some breakfast. 

No more than an hour later, guess what wanted out?  You guessed it.  Thankfully I had made it to the bathroom with a very unhappy tummy.   When all the sudden it all came out.  I don’t know where that much food came from.  But there was no doubt I had nothing left in my stomach. 

Now, I don’t know about you.  But the thought of kneeling down in a LAX airport bathroom stall is sickening to me.  So I stood and leaned over, getting splashed with remnants of a weeks worth of vacation food.

After round two, I finally left the bathroom and walked slowly back to the waiting area.  Wishing desperately that I could rinse out my mouth.   

I slept between stomach pains for maybe 30 minutes, until boarding 2 hours later.  Oh boy, that flight my stomach churned. I was hot then cold.  Bless my husband’s heart, he finally prayed over me. 

God heard his prayer.  I just did not want to be sick on the plane.  We finally landed nearly 3 hours later.  I still could not even sip Sprite, much less attempt to eat anything.  So I was very weak.

Trudging across the concourses at the Houston airport I envied those using the airport carts.  I could barely move.

For the last leg, another 1 1/2 flight to Huntsville, would I make it?  The turbulence did not help my queasy unhappy stomach.  But it manage to keep things to itself. 

We landed and walked (I felt more like we crawled!) to get our luggage, then out in the cold and rain to find the car.  I was too weak to even put on my jacket.

Drove home in the rain.  I could barely keep my eyes open.  But I had carried “the bag” from the plane with me in case I needed it.

We made it home.  I was told to go sit and hold the cat while they unloaded.  So I thankfully obeyed.  Not two minutes later, I am throwing the cat across the room in a dash for the kitchen sink. 

I did not think there was anything more to come up.  But apparently my stomach was just checking to be sure.

So I took a bowl to bed with me.  What a miserable night with fever and my head hurt in every possible position.  Yeah, I think it is the flu (a Hawaiian keepsake huh?).

Now as awful as I felt, I had even more praise.  For God had allowed this to happen on my way home, not on my way over to Hawaii, a once in a lifetime event.  He had kept me from vomiting on the plane.

I have much to be thankful for.  I am convinced that if you look for God’s glory you will find it.

An added blessing was that we had no frozen pipes which was totally God, since our heater went out and it was cold in the house. 

And NO there is no picture I wouldn’t allow Sherman to take one! 

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of

the LORD in the land of the living.

Psalm 27:13

 

 

Splashes of Envy

Looking out over the private alcove of sparkling green water…. Envy grew.

Here I have seen sunrises beautiful….sunsets indescribable.  I had splashed in the ocean several times at the beach on Waikiki.  I had some epic moments of worship.  I had some great rest and relaxation.  I had take a drive around the island taking in spectacular views of the volcanic mountains.  I watch whales dance in the majestic ocean.  I had seen surfers claim curl after curl.

Yet at that moment…..

I was envious of what I didn’t have.

We had pulled into a famous site seeing pullover.  The blowhole.  Totally awesome thing.  As waves  crashed into the rocks below, there was a tunnel in the rock in which water would spout up threw causing ocean spray to go way up in the air.  Very cool! 

While way up on this bluff you could look out at the majestic ocean.  The views of the rocks, ledges, boulders and water were incredible.  Below on the left was an alcove where the ocean came in on a small beach. 

The water was gorgeous.  A hand full of people were down on the beach enjoying the emerald green water. Riding the waves.  Laughter could be heard.  On three side were great boulders and cliffs. 

I wanted to go down there and dip my feet in the water.  No what I really wanted to do was….get on my bathing suit and get all the way in the water…and ride those fantastic waves myself!

I was jealous…..

There was no way I could transverse those rocks to get down there. I don’t swim and I bet that the water where the waves actually were would be over my head.  Not to mention they had to be pretty powerful.  And though I wished the water to be warm.  It had been freezing all week, why did i think suddenly just because it looked like a picture book that it would suddenly be warmer?? Like it was probably really dangerous!  There were warning signs. 

It looked really cool the rocks people were climbing on and waving.  But if the truth be known, that takes a lot of strength.

The scene below me was picturesque, that is true.  I saw it through fairytale glasses.  When in reality…I would have been miserable If I had attempted to get down there, cold if I had gotten in the water.  No telling if I would have gotten hurt…..

Not so beautiful huh?

But here is the lesson my sweet Jesus showed me….my ugly heart. Here I had received so much during my week of vacation…..yet I wanted more.

Is that ugly or what?

Envy is ugly. 

Thank You Lord for showing me my ugly heart.

Contentment and Gratitude are Beautiful!

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

I Timothy 6:6

Native Citizenship

From the moment we arrived in Hawaii we were surrounded by a large Asian population.  I try not to get my dander up hearing the constant “babble” of another language.  I found my heart in a myriad of emotions.  From resentment to frustration back to the song, Jesus loves the little children……all the children of the world…..red yellow black and white….

I have lived in cultures with a majority of blacks and I have lived in a majority Mexican community.  Both of which I have come to love.  But for some reason, I felt a moment of “This is not your country….what are you doing here?” attitude.

I struggled with it all week.  Asians are everywhere from who was serving me, cleaning my room, to the tourist next to me.  It was so confusing it seemed there were few actual Hawaiians.  So this remain on my heart…..

Then we went to the Pearl Harbor Memorial.  Where I understood a bit more of that sobering piece of history and the surrounding consequences.

There were many Japanese people who were harshly treated, shunned and not trusted.  Because of their heritage they were assumed to be the enemy…..I can not imagine what that must have been like to try to convince “white man” that you were on his side when you have dark skin, slanted eyes and a foreign accent…all of which they were fighting against.  Those same skinned people had just destroyed our ships, planes and killed hundreds of lives.

But the Lord showed me….if is not nationality that makes you belong…it is citizenship.  Was their name written in the American Citizens Book?  Their certificate of identity is what made them belong not their nationality. 

Likewise, it is not our heritage….sinner...thief…adulterer…murderer….lier….selfish….

But Whose we become… a child of The King….gets a new citizenship…a Heavenly certificate.  Anyone can become a citizen of Heaven….

It made me accept these people much different than I upon the papers that states they are American just like me….not their nationality.  They have accepted a new life.

If you have a new life as a child of the King….do you stand out?  Do people see you are different by your love?

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:35

Homeless or Hopeless

This is a hard blog to process because I have more questions than answers.  I don’t feel qualified to even write about the topic.  Yet those of you who know me….I must write about what is on my heart.  And just so you know…..my thoughts are all across the spectrum on this topic.  I am just going to throw it out there….

As you can imagine in a place called “Paradise” all kinds of people come to visit.  The locals here also come from many walks of life.  I was not really surprised to see “homeless” yet I have never seen this many.  Even while we lived in CA did I see this many. 

I was struck speechless as I jogged along the waters edge the first morning here.  There were people sleeping on the beach.  I call them my Sand people.  All along the shore here and there, were bundles of sand people. Though I thought it was a “cool” idea to sleep on the beach out under the stars to the constant sound of crashing waves.  Somehow I don’t think this was the sentiment of the sand people. 

Up near the boardwalk area at the beach tree line were the root people.  I call them that because under this one tree was a couple asleep then when I turned the bend of that same tree, there was a body asleep in the alcove of the roots of the same tree.  I nearly jumped when I saw it. 

Then on we went to the city streets following the jogging route. There was many bench buddies if you will.  Almost every other bench was a bed for someone.  I realized that the city had tried to rectify this problem by putting a huge bar arm rail in the middle of the benches.  But these homeless did not care.  Not to mention, one young kid was asleep on the bench next to the police station. So evidently either it is not illegal or the city just gave up because it is a rampant problem here in Waikiki. 

There were many that I call street sleepers.  I am not sure why, but they were bedded down right next to the street (I would be afraid of rolling over and falling into the street while asleep) A group I call the Mocha mob, stake out their place right in front of Starbucks every night.  I saw one of them get up and drag all their belongings on a tarp across the busy street.

But by daylight, the hundreds of homeless suddenly just vanish.  But as the week went on, I began to see them in the day time too.  It is just that by daylight the streets are flooded with locals and tourist alike that the homeless blend in…

But is you look, still under the floral pavilions they are asleep on tables or in chairs.  Or doing their “day jobs.”

Like Plastic man.  I watched many a man (and women do this too) hit all the trash cans for plastic bottles (this is gross to me to be diggin in, and emptying someone else's stuff!)  They pulled a cart behind, then they would be back again in less than an hour, doing the route again. 

Then there was Robert….. Robert put on some clean clothes ,a hat and went around selling island tours.  We were kind and listened.  My heart broke for him. In his intoxicated stupor, he had a hard time squatting down as he presented his island”wares” to  us.  He was trying. I don’t know whether his tours were legit or not, we kindly declined the offer as we had already made our plans.  All I could think was…..he reminded me so much of my dad and wonder if no one had had pity on us….we were often hungry.

The last homeless I want to show you was burrito man.  Right smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk was a person wrapped up head to toe in a blanket.  But at his feet there was a sandwich in a plastic container.  This was the sight I can’t get out of my mind! I did not take a picture and wish I had. 

Even now, tears threaten to consume me.  From what I gather, someone had shown kindness on this burrito man, and set a sandwich at his feet, to eat when he woke.

What a ministry!  My heart was overwhelmed by the sight…..it was a sight of love in action!  Don’t know if they knew the person, if it was a stranger or whether it was a church group that did this for all the homeless.(which would be ALOT of sandwiches.  Though it was the only one i saw this with a sandwich). 

I am left with a heavy heart…..I want to help.  How do I help?  Should I help? My heart is tender……

Yet, I also struggle with treating these people with the same integrity I wish to be shown to me.  They are beautiful in God’s sight made in His image too.

One of the things I observed with many was this:  many of them talk to themselves.  Now there may be a scientific/drug/mental reason.  But the visual God showed me was this:  They talk to themselves because they don’t have a friend.  No one gives them time of day.  It is heart wrenching.

I asked my husband this question:  Do you think these people, Robert for example, even thinks he is less fortunate than we are?  Are they happy where they are.  I know many times it is perhaps a choice, yet we also know that in other cases it  can not be helped.

That posed a question in my mind…..are they homeless or hopeless?  Why do we associate (or maybe it is just me!)  The homeless with hopeless.  Why do I find it hard to wrap my brain around the fact that some of these dirty, mangy looking street people could be saved.  Why is that so hard for me.  Just because they are homeless doesn’t mean they are hopeless.

I struggle with this, not that it is a new thing, like I said having lived in CA for years, I am not unfamiliar with the homeless scene.  Though  I will reiterate, this was totally magnified by far.  I wish for a way to help.  I do know, I don’t want to have a hard heart about it.

I must ask God to show me what to do………..I will do something

I encourage you to reach out of your comfort zone……somehow, someway to those in need, whether  you think they are deserving of it or not…..

Perhaps you and I are only 3 paychecks away from being a bench warmer ourselves. 

In all these thoughts…. I am reminded… Jesus was homeless!

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,
I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me,

I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?
When did we see you a stranger and invite you in,

or needing clothes and clothe you?
When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Matthew 25;35-40

 

The SON Finds Me

I know this is a simple concept.  Science is not my strong suit, so I am gonna probably make you laugh at the simplicity of this thought…..

As I have watched the sunset every night here in Hawaii, I have noticed this amazing thing.  No matter where I am, along the shore, the SON is always directly in front of me when I look out to watch the sunset!

Whether at the hotel or miles down the beach, I stop to watch the magnificent sunset only to be amazed once again by The SON!

It is a moment of divine connection between The Son and me. Just the two of us. His message:  let my love shine through you, Laura, you are my hands and feet.  I love you to death……

No matter where you are….the SON can always reach you! 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,  Or nor heavenly rulers} neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

 

Clouded View

This morning lesson was brilliant though rough to see.  I got up late after a restless  night.  We  hurried and readied, downed the hotel room coffee and headed out the door.  But one thing I have learned, life starts early here (if I might just say it never sleeps here!)

Sadly, though our teenage son decided this morning was the day he wanted to spoil for a fight.  So that is how the morning began.  Not good…..

We began our jaunt…. though I had great praise music on, my heart was too broken to worship in it.  I trudged along, not able to do much running….I eventually gave up.  But had to keep walking, my body filled with pain both inside and out, I trudged on. 

Simple things make me happy and one of the things I have wanted to do most was just sit on a bench in the early morning and watch the waves…just Jesus and me…..well that didn’t happen either.

It seemed that God was distant.  There were too many obstacles in the way… my vision was clouded by the argument, my burden for another son, the pain my body was experiencing, the fact that we had gotten up late and people were already crowding the streets at 6 am…..

God seemed so far away……

Then to top off my not so good morning….. I missed the sunrise!  Or so I thought.

I followed my husband and son out on a long pier.  I wondered what the deal was, since it was already daylight.  I waddled myself to them and asked what they were doing.

“I thought you wanted a picture of the sunrise?” my husband replied.

“Yes I did, but don’t you think you are a bit too late?” I said sarcastically pointing to the fact that…hello, it is like daylight look around!”

Looking at  his watch he told me it was still to come….

So I watched for it….

I really did not think we would see anything.  I was confused.  It was already daylight.  There was no sun to be seen in the direction of the sunrises we had seen days before.

All I could see was Diamond head (a mini mountain/volcano thingy), tall sky rises and a bunch of clouds.  I thought to myself, there is no way the sunrise will make it past all that. 

Yes, my view of the SON was clouded by many obstacles.  I couldn’t help but think that God had given me this visual.   I too had allowed many things to cloud my view of the SON this very morning. 

Yet, if I wait upon the Lord, He will rise up and show Himself all powerful and glorious!

I waited, thinking this is a waste of my time…..

Until, I saw the top of the clouds turn pink, the SON beams shining through.  Still had not seen the fullness of the SON, but I knew it was coming….if only I would wait I would see the glory of the Lord….

I waited….

I noticed one of the clouds had it’s hand raised giving glory and honor to the King….that was so cool to see. 

Then, it happened….He overcame….The SON did rise, despite the obstacles in the way….Nothing can keep the SON from rising in our hearts…..we only need to look to the sky and all will be well with our soul…..

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!

I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Multi-Million Dollar Complacency

I was told this morning by our shuttle driver that over 24 % of the population here in Hawaii are multi million dollar residents.  wow!  So now i know how they got that way…….the prices we have paid from postcards to ice cream to the entrance to a state park.Everything cost here.  Or perhaps because they are here folks can demand that pricing. 

But….it is an unpleasant side of this place. Just as epic is the beauty i have seen, so is the tourists.I am convinced (outside of NY) there must be more tourists than residents! it is unreal.  Phenomenal.  The tourist industry is huge.  Without it it would probably be the US largest unemployment surge! 

Sadly, most don’t seem to enjoy their job.  I can not imagine serving tourists year round.  Yet if it is your job, part of that job is for the visitors to feel special, not another slab of meat. 

Everywhere you turn, the occupation somehow is connected to the tourism.  It is really interesting.  I have noticed a thick cloud of complacency in the midst of the locals who work here.  I have only meet two people who seemed to really like their job. 

I wonder just how complacent the locals have become.  Then i got my answer…..

By day 4 of our vacation, I noticed that on my walk to the beach, that I no longer stopped to admire the ornate shrubs/trees that lined the pathway.  I didn’t take anymore pictures of the passion flowers, or the woven strands of climbing floral.  The Amazon like leaf tunnel trails no longer amazed me….I just walked through complacency stealing over me!

It seems it doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing, complacency can rob you of today's joy and tomorrows promise.  we need to guard against this and pray that God keep us keenly aware of his beauty and our duty in this world. 

If it is that easy to be to become complacent about our surroundings, how much easier it is to become spiritually complacent.  To forget those around you and the message that we carry or should be carrying to a lost world.

May we get on our faces daily lest we become complacent and our God opportunities pass us by.

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Proverbs 25:11

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Galatians 6:9-10

He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.  Matthew 16:15

Power Run

 

When we go on vacation we have certain expectations.  This time was no exception.  Our flight had been great (as well as being squeezed into a sardine can and bulleted through the skies, using a tiny tiny bathroom and breathing in everyone’s breath, and hearing crying babies.)  But really no complaints. 

The air hitting my nostrils as I exited the airport.  It felt like CA….no humidity a slight breeze of maybe 70 degrees.  I had to stop and take in a deep breath.  Ahh, this is going to be great I thought.

Doing the usual…hailing a taxi, looking out the window at this new land, wondering what lies ahead.  Checking into the hotel, which is an open air lobby.  Looking at their cool Christmas decorations (which seemed all wrong for the weather!) 

Finally to the room…..unpack, check everything out….be sure there is coffee!  Then on to the beach….check it out then food!  Balcony time was cool, the beach was packed, I wondered if this was going to be as much “fun” as I hoped it would be. 

The next morning…was what I had been waiting for….time with me and my God on the balcony alone just the two of us….I had prepared the night before. I had not brought my Bible trying to keep packing down.  But had got a Kindle for Christmas, with my Bible on it.  So I had my kindle, blanket, back pillow ready to slip out for this time of Paradise with my Lord.

Well….guess what, early I rose and slipped out.  Got all comfy and I could not read my kindle!  I didn’t know I needed a light!  So that was a bummmm…. So i just prayed.  And with a burdened heart I pour out to God to fill me and to let this vacation be overflowing with His presence in my days.  I spent a long time in prayer since i would not read the Word, I simply worshiped Him….

This is how He answered me….

We dressed, my husband, son and I went for a run.  With Chris Tomlin in my left ear, singing Amazing Grace my chains are gone, Jesus Messiah, Holy is the Lord, I will Rise, How great is our God, Our God, We Fall Down, and Indescribable…….and the crashing waves in the other….I worshipped like never before….

I have no idea how far I ran, I didn’t care, but the worship and praise under the stars, on the sandy shore with waves of grace washing over my soul…Is indescribable.  God did answer my prayer more than I could have expected. 

It was just me and Him…..in ultimate adoration!  All I can think…is heaven must gonna be something like this!  That one hour of time, made this vacation worth it, and I am sure out of all the things we do, see and eat, nothing will compare….to that Power run this morning!

 

Paradise or Pair-a-dice?

 

Hawaii ---- the Land of Paradise as people call it.  Really?  Well that is where my family is headed for a much needed vacation.  On the flight over I have been reading Francis Chan’s book on Hell. 

So with what the world calls Paradise and what God calls paradise are vividly on my mind.  I anticipate seeing some of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.  I know my nostrils will inhale the beauty floras indescribable.  My body will relish in the majestic vast ocean, splashing with disgruntled sea inhabitants (they don’t like tourist!)  And I plan to eat fresh sweet pineapple….

Though our plans may be simple….we will enjoy the beauty God has created.  Yet the feast upon God’s word over this past year, can not compare.  He is the rare Jewel that leads to the treasure house full.  He is the one who created this beauty, and even what I will see will be very marred by man.  Can  you imagine what The Garden of Eden was like…

So back to the question….do we, you and I, seek Paradise as in Heaven from Hell’s point of view.  Do we believe there is a Hell, and that it is torment beyond comprehension.  That is is an eternity existing in God’s wrath and a lake of fire over flowing with the sins of all there.  Are we flippant, uncaring or complacent, like the rolling of a Pair-a-dice…in a gamble of where we will go when our life on earth is done? 

I for one don't want to take a chance, a gamble, on whether or not I will spend Paradise with my Jesus.  Heaven from Hell’s perspective should move you to share with others, the true Paradise and that this earth will fade away one day….

Paradise or a Pair-a-dice Which “Roll” will you be on?

Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.
  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a net, that was cast into the sea,

and gathered of every kind:
  Which, when it was full, they drew to shore, and sat down, and gathered

the good into vessels, but cast the bad away.
  So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and

sever the wicked from among the just,
And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Matthew 13:46-50