Be Careful What You Pray For!

 After being married for several years we began what turned out to be a long painful journey to have children.  Test after test being negative, frustration began to build.

I cried out to God to answer us.  I pleaded our case as to why God.  I was sure He thought we would be terrible parents since He had not granted us any children.

Then the day came, finally some 6 years of trying, a PINK POSITIVE! The excitement we experienced was way over the top!  The joy of buy maternity clothes, taking the prenatal vitamins, and Doctor visits could not be measured.

Only to lose the baby at 12 weeks.  Boy did we ever come crashing down.  This was a very dark time for me spiritually.  I begged and prayed the “Hannah’s Prayer”  “God is you will give me a son, I will give him back to You.” Be careful what you pray for.

After the horrible painful miscarriage and D&C our arms still remained empty.  We again were back to infertility treatment.  After a year, PINK POSITIVE again!  We were much more fearful of telling anyone our good news…but eventually, not able to contain our joy, we burst and told everyone.

Surely this time it will work.  We were more involved at church and the timing seemed perfect.  Surely God wouldn’t do that to us again.  Be careful what you pray for.

In an instant we came crashing down.  It happened yet again, we lost the baby!  Painful miscarriage, D&C again.  Laments to God filled my soul as once again my arms were to remain empty.

More Infertility testing, more drugs.  My raging hormones did not help my attitude and spiritual bitterness remained.  Be careful what you pray for.

After a year of torturous treatments I told my doctor, I needed a break from treatment.  He checked me first before changing up our plans.  And GUESS WHAT---!PINK POSITIVE again!

We went through the first 3 months on our tippy toes, holding our breath.  On into the last trimester did we finally realize---God was going to grant us our “Hannah” prayer! Be Careful what you pray for.

We named our baby Samuel---- His name means asked of God.  Our joy could not be contained.  We were finally parents! 

Two days after Christmas, just a month after Samuel turned two, he got sick.  Test revealed serious anemia, more tests revealed, our precious baby had Leukemia (ALL) cancer of the blood.  Be careful what you pray for. 

At that moment in time, I realized I did not want to keep my end of the “Hannah’s Prayer” to give my baby boy back to God.  But He was surely asking for him back.

I am not going to share the details of this 3  year battle to beat cancer. Nor focus on all the pain and suffering he went through or the scars that forever will remain with him.  The things we went through with our baby are to horrible to mention. 

However it changed our lives.  Clinging to God was our only option.  Never once did He tell us our son would survive.  But still we clung to our only Hope.  God promised to be with us every step of the way.  Those were the words whispered to me, instead of the healing I  had wanted to tell God to do.  I had to give Samuel back to God and let Him do with my baby, what He seemed best.

I wrote this some 21 years later right after his wedding.  He did survive.  He is now 23 and happily married.  I just wanted to offer hope to the many people who have children with cancer, and their family and friends. 

There is HOPE in God!

Cling to Him!

If you look for God you will see Him!

 

Hands 〜 Boxes 〜 Blueberries

There are those times in life when you just feel undone by God’s blessing, His presence and His amazing movement in your life. I have had many of those times and wondered if I would survive God’s stare at me. (But that is the kind of God He is….. He loves to lavish His love on us!)

We had been praying for several years to be able to move. For several reasons, it was necessary (or so we thought). My husband drove over an hour to work everyday, our health had diminished, and our kids had all but one left the nest. We had lugged stuff from base to base. And in the house we were now in….like waffle batter on a waffle iron…..we had definitely spread out and filled in every nook and cranny.

Though God still used us in amazing ways out in the boon docks past the sticks….. we really needed to move… But God seemed to not see things the way we did… so our house did not sell… we finally took it off the market for over a year. Then we tried again.

If you have ever moved… showing your house is for the birds (if you really live in it like we do!) What stress that is. All the paper work etc. But our realtor was a hustler (or rather, God said it was time)

It was the hardest move yet, and we have moved A LOT! We had even moved cross country twice. In our many moves have often had to leave many things behind that did not fit in our truck. And the sweetest part is seeing who all God would bring to help us pack and load the truck!! We can never repay what our friends have done for us in all these not so easy moves.

No matter where we were….God provided some loving dedicated, hard working hearts and hands to bless our socks off. This move was no different. God sent us amazing people….for every need. God took care of EVERY detail, large and small…..even to the last blueberry!

We had done the whole farming thing and had to get rid of equipment, we had spread out in the 40 by 60 workshop, the detached garage managed to “acquire things” besides a car. And our basement….well, it was full of freezers, season changes, stuff, teen toys, country toys, and everything else that didn’t fit upstairs. We also had several bedrooms for guests, with stuff. Oh and a baby room of toys we no longer needed, and I had a hobby room crammed full of stuff….and a few closets here and there where it had like the waffle batter….found its way into other rooms. Oh I forgot, we homeschooled too, so we had school paraphernalia to fill up a school house and enough books to challenge the Library of Congress!

Just admitting….. we have a lot of stuff!!! And behind, around, and on top of all that stuff was dust bunnies taking up residence!

We had to do some SERIOUS downsizing. This was not an easy thing, especially when it included hobbies, season changes, and empty nesting. But God sent me a young lady and her mom one Saturday and they cleaned like nobody’s tomorrow! Got the house spit shined for pictures and listing. Within two months….we had a contract!

Then the girl stayed on… for several weeks. First she helped me finish a huge wedding project so we could start packing. But I don’t mean just normal packing. I mean sorting through the entire above mentioned belongings….one piece at a time! She helped me throw away, give away, send away, donate away….bags and bags full of “stuff”

She helped cleaned out freezers and scrub them. She helped sort through oodles of fabric. She even took my collection of dust bunnies home each night from each room we worked in. This was all done while packing too. Since we were going to be in a hotel a few days between closings, we had to eat all the food in the freezers too.

Closer to the big move day, two more ladies came to help me. Thank God He sent me help. By the time the big day came…. I was ready. But it had only been by the generous hands that God had sent my way. I baked blueberry muffins for the group of friends that came to help us. And down to the last blueberry I had handpicked and frozen….they were all used in my yummy homemade blueberry muffins. God saw that nothing was wasted!

Boxes, Boxes and more Boxes were stacked into the storage unit by strong loving hands of our friends. Moving day…. Trucks with trailers lined the yard and the real fun began. Even in the rain, they continued to spend their day moving us. Sweet friends! When the men left to take a load, many of the ladies began deep cleaning so that it would be clean and ready for the new occupants. What a blessing beyond words. Not to mention two guys actually keep their trailers full of what would not fit in the storage unit… in their barn for the weekend.

Then the second moving day…. Hot as it was in July… many of the same friends helped us unload…. And set up in the new house. Shewee! A LOT of work I tell you!

We could have NEVER done it without all the help!

We are forever grateful for each of you!

When God moves….He does it in all His

AWESOMENESS

……but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24